Kupi slona or how to annoy your toddlers

Parents of toddlers know how annoying the constant whining is. Anything said in a tiny voice over and over and over and over starts to wear on anybody, and I don't care what kind of happy meds you are on. Maya whines and meows constantly. Her newest thing is to say "what did you say?" to anything I ask her to do.

So in despair I opened the dark damp room in my head that are my childhood memories. You see, my brother is 8 years younger than me and we had some interesting times together. When we were growing up, we used to play this game: you start out with asking someone to buy an elephant, "kupi slona" in mother-tongue. When your victim innocently asks you "why?" (zachem?), you say "everyone asks why, but you buy an elephant" or  "все говорят зачем, а ты купи слона?". The beauty of this is that you can countersay just about ANYTHING with "kupi slona". It's awesome and endless. My brother and I did it for hours until someone got tired or voices got coarse.

So, when Maya started with "what did you say?" I was ready. I replied "kupi slona". She got confused and said "what?". Then I had my revenge. And it was glorious. Now nothing stops whining and complaining faster than "kupi slona". I love it.

Here to bring you holiday cheer (no, really, no sarcasm this time)

All right, as much as I don' like holidays, the presence of zaiki in my life means that I have to change the way I think. Christmas is time to be grateful, and the end of the year lends itself to summing things up and all that stuff...It would have been much easier for me to write about the things I find annoying about it, but, to put myself in the appropriate holiday mood, I've been thinking about all the things I'm grateful for. So here you go, Lida's 12 things to appreciate at the end of 2011:

1. New pumpkin cookie recipe: love, love baking those! They come out gooey, mushy and sweet. :)
2. Dexter - the best TV show ever!!!!
3. Wine - without it, my life will be unbearable. I love just having a wine glass on the table next to my plate, it instantly soothes me
4. For walking away from my car accident  without serious complications. Also finding a car we like and can afford relatively quickly
5. For my creative ability. Even though I haven't painted in AGES (which I miss so much!), I've been able to find ways to be creative, even if it's making a silly holiday card or making coal candy
6. For running and foot alcohol injections: I'm sosososo happy that I my foot problem can be solved relatively easy and will not cause permanent damage. And for medical geniuses who came up with injecting alcohol into your foot to kill your uppity uncooperative nerve. I love running. It keeps me balanced, and my body just feels right when it runs. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't run (probably drink much much more)
7. For having a job: even though I don't like what I do, and my job is boring.  It's a paycheck. A small one, but still. It also gets me out of the house and keeps me out of stay-at-home-mom-hell. I like (with a very few exceptions) people I work with, so going there is not a torture. The hours are great, people are understanding, and it's really close to our house. And they pay for my graduate school.
8. For my babysitters: girls love them, and we can afford them :) I was complaining about the kids' sleep issues, and Liz came over to put them to bed the other night. That's super super nice in my book, and I'm lucky that my kids have people other than family who care about them
9. For my mother and my brother - even though they are far away and I don't see them most of the time, we've managed to stay close and talk all the time. And the girls know baba Anya and dyadya Masik
10. For my friends, old and new
11. For my husband: I'm really lucky to have him! He gets me. He is a good father, patient husband and I love and get his sense of humor. He is a wonderful father for my kids, and I love seeing them together.  Plus, he cooks (which I hate doing)
12. For my kids, that they are healthy and growing so well!!! They annoy me, they test me to the limit (and beyond), they took over my life, but how boring would my life be without them? It's great to see them grow, and there is a satisfaction in knowing I'm doing right by them, that they are happy and safe.

That pretty much sums it up. Now off to buy a Christmas-themed sweater and maybe do some caroling? LOL...

Potty training and other lies

I’m bitter. Bitter about the lies people (and books written by people) have told to me in the last couple of years about child rearing.

Lie #1: “I had my kids potty trained by age 2”

Hear that a lot. Well, good for you people.

Our potty training had to be put on hold. For a while, I have a feeling. I just don’t get it – how easy it is to sit an pee? Apparently, not at all: both zaiki just can’t seem to grasp that you sit and pee. In order to pee, you have to be either wearing a diaper, or standing up, preferably on something soft, absorbent and not easily cleanable. Grrr. So, I’ve decided to shelve the issue for the next month or so.

Lie #2:

“In families with two or more languages, children easily pick up both”

This one, I thought, would be a breeze.

Russian is important to me – I’m uprooted (by choice, but still) and the language is the only real connection I have to my past, my memories and my family. I desperately want to pass it on to my daughters. They seem to have other ideas.

Before they were born, I read about raising bilingual children and thought “wow, I can do that!”. Since Kevin’s Russian is limited to a few words, one person/one language approach seemed to be the best. The premise is really simple: each parent sticks to his or her native language. Simple, right? Wrong! The approach doesn’t take into account angry lapses into English of the said parent, conversations between spouses and with other people, all conducted in English. Which allows smart little babies to conclude that, in order to communicate, the other language is not needed, and thus they focus their seemingly boundless energy on other matters. Now they correct me if I speak Russian. I’m not giving up, but it is so damn hard – blood and tears.  

I looked into Russian school, but the price for lessons was obscene. Finding a private teacher yielded no results. If you know anyone, let me know.

Lie #3:

Sleep training works in a week.

This is another fib.

The girls have been sleeping by themselves in their cribs pretty much since they were born. We tried switching routines, reading, baths, anything child-rearing books suggest, and Maya still cries when going to bed. She is over 2 now.

Lie #4:

Twins will entertain each other.

Yeah, right. Maybe when they are 6 or 7. But definitely not our children – usually I end up with a barnacle on each leg shuffling around the kitchen while trying to make dinner or clean dishes. Their playing together usually ends with bitemarks, bruises and whining. This and more will be included in the next post that will provide an exclusive look into the twin life.  

The F-word

source:www.hindsightcon.com

Kevin took the girls to the park the other day, and Sonya told him he was fat after he said he is too big to fit on the baby swing. Her first f-word. This is very sad - in my eyes, it's a beginning of the loss of innocence and universal acceptance that so amazes me in young children. It's a sign that the world is leaving its mark on my babies.

I grew up in a very superficial culture: you were considered beautiful if you were skinny and had long hair (just like everywhere else I imagine!). My mother kept my hair short and I was always referred to as "plump" during my childhood. That was very upsetting. My family was also decidedly, defiantly non-athletic. My feeble attempts in getting involved in sports were met with "Oh, just eat something!". This is why I love running - to me it is a symbol of breaking away from the mindset I was raised in and becoming my own person.

It took me years to start accepting the way I look, and I'm not even half-way there. An example of my neurosis is that I found a skirt in my closet I've had for 15 years (I know, I know, I'm a sad individual). I was able to zip it up, but it was a little tight and it derailed me for a couple of days.


I never use any physical descriptors (fat/skinny, cute/ugly) around my girls, and I was very surprised that Sonya said that. But, as my babysitter put it - you can't keep them in a bubble forever, older kids can be not nice to each other and little ones will pick it up. I was just hoping it wouldn't be so soon. It just hit me that, even as their mother, I don't have complete influence over what they are exposed to. All right, and hold all the "duh!" comments please, I'm allowed to have illusions. :) I still have them- that the girls will pick up their toys, that they will not fight with each other, always be nice, and go to win Nobel prizes for some groundbreaking research. Sigh.