zaiki and co.: No More Swiping for Swiper

zaiki and co.: No More Swiping for Swiper: Another cartoon that zaiki covet is "Dora the Explorer". I guess it's an ok cartoon, the Map (that grinds my gears with its whiny nasalne...

No More Swiping for Swiper

Another cartoon that zaiki covet is "Dora the Explorer". I guess it's an ok cartoon, the Map (that  grinds my gears with its whiny nasalness, I want to bite its nose off), but it's fine overall. The cartoon follows chenanigans and adventures of a Mexican girl named Dora. Her best friend, Boots the monkey, assists her in accomplishing various pre-school approved tasks. The cartoon is teaches counting, colors, shapes, and helping. Dora has many friends: Benny the bull, Big Red Chicken, Tico the squirrel (who only speaks Spanish and does various menial tasks like driving the other characters around), Iza the iguana (who also only speaks Spanish and is a garderner) and a faithful Backpack. They all like to have fiesta and eat tacos. No, not a stereotype-building cartoon based on approved archetypes, not at all! *clearing my throat loudly*

Dora also has a nemesis: Swiper the fox. Swiper has really pointy teeth and is sneaky - he is wearing a bandit's mask, gloves and his only goal in life is to steal, or swipe, Dora's favorite things. To stop Swiper, you have to say "Swiper no swiping" three times complete with a special hand thrust and if you do that before he gets his hands on the object, he says "Oh man!" and runs off. Swiper wins, occasionally, and then Dora and Boots have to go on a quest to retrieve the object. Oddly enough, Swiper never keeps what he goes to great lengths to swipe, but either throws it far away or hides it. Not a very practical fox. Maybe just a kleptomaniac? Or a crazy thing hell-bent of destruction for the sake of destruction? Hmmm. I'm inclined to believe the latter.

I think the guy who does the Map's voice also does Swiper's. I wish I knew who it was so I had the address for all the hate mail - super whiny and annoying. I wonder if he (the actor) is married...I guess not or maybe his wife is deaf. No way I could live with someone who is that nasal and high-pitched.

You want to know what he sounds like? Pinch your nose shut, inhale through your mouth and then say, really stretching your vowels: "GOOOO THROUGH THEEE TUNNNEEEL, OOOVER THEEE BRIIIIIDGE AAAANNNNDDDD OOON TOOOP OOOFF THEEE SNOOOWWYYYY MOUNTAAAIN".

I have a beautiful winter coat (a gift from Kevin, the most wonderful, thoughtful husband ever!!!) with furry full fox collar and cuffs. I love it - it keeps me warm and looks festive.


Speaking of gifts and Valentine's day coming up: Ladies, did you know you can create a "wishlist" at Pandora jewelry stores? No? Neither did I, till yesterday!!! Apparently, you just let them know your name, pick the pieces you like, they'll record the serial numbers, and then your loving husband will be able to simply go in and look up the bling you chose. Hey Mari, I think you can do it online as well!! :)

Back to my coat: zaiki love it. They like to bury their faces in the fur and pet it. The other day Sonya asked me what it was. Without missing a beat, I replied "Swiper". Now they say that Mama swiped Swiper. Serves that fox right.

zaiki and co.: ARGGG

zaiki and co.: ARGGG: I've written about poop. Too much, I might add: how poop is everywhere , for instance. I'm sure there's more, but don't want to scout f...

ARGGG

I've written about poop. Too much, I might add: how poop is everywhere, for instance. I'm sure there's more, but don't want to scout for it. Now that zaiki are a little more settled and 98% potty trained (I don't count sleeptime, that'll come later) the poop stopped tormenting us and I thought I won't have to dedicate any more posts to it. But the latest happening made me rethink that:

Aah, a nice, warm, relaxing bubble bath. What a treat, you may think. Taking a bath was a luxury before the zaiki. I loved to poop pop (see!!!! It is in my subconscious mind!!!!) in a nice CD, bring up my glass of wine, light candles and just relax in the tub. I haven't done it in three years (I'm such a mom cliche), so the other night I decided it was time.

After the zaiki were washed, fed, changed, hugged and tucked in, I closed the door to the bathroom, filled the tub with seductively warm water, and climbed in. Glorious, floaty feeling of being alone, no grabby hands, no demands. Perfect "me" time! Alas, it was short-lived: just as my muscles started to unknot themselves, the door opened. Maya tentatively peeked her head in and decided that sitting on the floor in front of the tub and watching Mama shave her legs is more fun than sleeping. It is a little disconcerting to have someone sit there and provide a running commentary of your EVERY move. I guess I better get used to it, but still. After she got tired of commenting on my actions, she moved on to carefully listing all anatomic attributes she would like to have when she grows up. Then (my guess that all that talking made her feel relaxed) she had to poop. Of course! My nemesis - toddler poop - had to make an appearance. So I had to leap out of the nice, warm and comfortable water to wipe her butt. I tell you what: nothing snaps you out of blissful relaxing-ness superfast as wiping toddler bottoms. Nothing.
The mood was broken. The poop won again.

zaiki and co.: Kupi slona or how to annoy your toddlers

zaiki and co.: Kupi slona or how to annoy your toddlers: Parents of toddlers know how annoying the constant whining is. Anything said in a tiny voice over and over and over and over starts to wear...

zaiki and co.: January - the month of the sickies

zaiki and co.: January - the month of the sickies: In case you were wondering, we’ve been sick. Baby germs are apparently indestructible. Something that, in an almost 3-year-old, causes sni...

Kupi slona or how to annoy your toddlers

Parents of toddlers know how annoying the constant whining is. Anything said in a tiny voice over and over and over and over starts to wear on anybody, and I don't care what kind of happy meds you are on. Maya whines and meows constantly. Her newest thing is to say "what did you say?" to anything I ask her to do.

So in despair I opened the dark damp room in my head that are my childhood memories. You see, my brother is 8 years younger than me and we had some interesting times together. When we were growing up, we used to play this game: you start out with asking someone to buy an elephant, "kupi slona" in mother-tongue. When your victim innocently asks you "why?" (zachem?), you say "everyone asks why, but you buy an elephant" or  "все говорят зачем, а ты купи слона?". The beauty of this is that you can countersay just about ANYTHING with "kupi slona". It's awesome and endless. My brother and I did it for hours until someone got tired or voices got coarse.

So, when Maya started with "what did you say?" I was ready. I replied "kupi slona". She got confused and said "what?". Then I had my revenge. And it was glorious. Now nothing stops whining and complaining faster than "kupi slona". I love it.