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Thursday, July 14, 2011

Poop, shoplifting and sloppy parenting - just an average day really


image:www.khushi.wordpress.com
 This morning I left my house ALONE with make up on. On time…Wow, it was a first time in forever…Usually this is how my morning goes:

6:15 - Wake up groggy, stagger to turn the coffeemaker on, avoid the mirror while brushing teeth (I’m not gross, I do shower, only at night)
6:25 - Reach into the closet without looking, pull out the least wrinkled shirt and some sort of a bottom
6:30 – Put together my giant coffee cup, make juice cups and pull out a couple of yogurts, and go to wake up the girls…
Then I lose track of time because of all the whining, fighting, spitting and shenanigans. Zaiki wake up crabby and usually refuse to (pick several):
a) wear clothes period
b) wear clothes I choose for them
c) brush teeth
e) sit on the potty
f) eat breakfast

By the time I leave my house to take them to the sitter, I am usually 10 to 15 minutes late for work. Sigh…

Oh yeah, and on the subject of potty training: I’m pretty sure books that say “have your child use the potty in 3 days” and other nonsense are in the same category as “put this crystal in your sock it’ll eat your cancer” crap. Our attempts to potty train culminated with Maya pooping on the lawn the other day, prompting “this is why I didn’t want a dog” from Kevin while he used a plastic bag to scoop it up. Sonya was so impressed by the act she was talking about it for two days.

But they definitely are not babies anymore. You know how I know? Sales women at clothing stores stopped smiling and cooing at them. Instead, I get annoyed glances and snarky remarks as my precocious toddlers destroy jewelry stands while I pay at the register. But, in zaiki's defense, if you have a store that doesn’t ban children, you shouldn’t have jewelry display at floor level and don’t leave any shit lying around. 

But yesterday’s shopping trip topped the previous ones: I lost them at the GAP store –I went to pay for their new headbands, turned around for a second and they were gone. I kept calling them to no avail. Oh I cannot describe the panic…Then I hear giggles – my wonderful, industrious, creative daughters were in the front window undressing a boy maneken. We left in such a hurry that only in the car I noticed Maya clutching a stray bracelet in her sweaty little paw. So not only did we destroy the display, we shoplifted. Great.  

To add to the terrible twos, I’ve been in an air cast for the past couple of weeks and I haven’t been running, which makes me really really sad, mainly because I hate the stationary bike at the gym and afraid to ride one on the street. Also it’s sweltering outside and wearing heavily padded black plastic boot on your leg at all times is less than comfortable. It’s itchy, hot and swampy.

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